Monday, May 28, 2012

Memorial Day

Dear John,

We had a quiet Memorial Day here at home. Jethro wouldn't call it quiet because I spent most of the day hauling furniture around. But quiet as in no barbecues or parades or people. Summer is here and it felt like it today - above 90 here. And now it's also tourist season, and you know what that means: We can shoot them!

I think I know why giving your clothes away has been so hard. It wasn't that their being here made me think you were coming back. It's that, now with them gone, every time I go into the closet or open a drawer I'm reminded that you're not coming back. Does that make sense? It's a constant visual reminder that this is permanent. I knew before that it was, but I wasn't being constantly reminded of it. After all, for three months you weren't here but everything else was, and until the last week I thought you were coming back. 

So many things are different: your clothes are gone, there's so much less in the fridge and pantry, there's only one toothbrush by the sink. And now that I'm hauling furniture around, there's more that's different every day. 

When I was clearing out Jen's closet I sorted through some boxes that I hadn't unpacked after we closed my parents' house. One was full of cards and letters I had sent them, starting right after our wedding. I read a lot of them - news about what was going on with you and me, and what was happening with them. Then I realized that of the four of us, I'm the only one still living. I stopped reading and put the box away. I'll read the rest of them another time. 

On a more cheerful note, Elyssa swam today for the first time without inflatable anythings! Jen sent me a video of the dog-paddling around quite proficiently, and having such a good time. 

We all love you! Jen misses her dad, Elyssa and Danica miss grandpa, and I miss you so very much.

PS - Just found out that the temperature hit 97 today. It was a good day to work inside. By Wednesday the highs are supposed to be in the 60s. I guess that's where the average of around 80 comes from. Good night - love you!

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