Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I'm Back

Dear John,

Yep, two posts in one day. I wrote you too early. It's after 10:00 now and I need that chat room. This just isn't a cheerful part of the day. My heart starts to break when the sun goes down.

There's one thing I need to tell you tonight: It's not the memories that make me sad - all the memories are happy and make me feel better. The sadness is for the memories we'll never get to make. There was so much that we wanted to do. I remember all that time you were in the hospital, all we could think about was taking a week and going up to Holland, running around southwest lower Michigan. It's such a simple thing, but it was so wonderful to think and talk about. We never got to go to San Francisco to visit St. John's tomb. We didn't get to drive Route 66 and explore. We didn't get to go to the Farmer's Market together this summer. Most of all, we didn't get to grow old together. That's what hurts - not remembering what we did together, but knowing what we'll miss doing.

That's all - I just had to tell you that. And sit here and cry a bit. And frustrate the dog, who is ready to go to bed. Tonight I'm ready, too - being asleep sounds better than sitting here thinking.

I know I keep saying it, but it's all there is: I love you, I miss you.
Joan.

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