I'm Being Gentle with Myself - I Promise!

Dear John,

I think I'm finally paying the price for going full speed since January 15th. I'm anazed by the schedule I've kept since then and all I've done. I'm too old for this. Not to mention having fibromyalgia.

Don't worry - nothing drastic is happening. I've just had four days of fibro flare and complete exhaustion. I've been waiting for this since the first week of February, like waiting for the other shoe to drop. So I've done very little these four days. Kathy didn't need me Friday so it worked out perfectly. I've knitted and napped, and done a few chores every day but nothing strenuous. I really don't have time for a tenth round of mono. So I'm taking good care of myself.

Job applications are still on hold. I need to be rested and healthy first. I'll know when it's time. Remember when I was hired at Baptist in 1979? I'd thought about applying there for several months, and I knew they always had a waiting list of RNs. When I felt like it was the right time, I walked in wanting 2nd shift in CCU two hours after Florence had turned in her retirement notice, making an opening on 2nd shift in CCU. And Kathy had thought about asking me to work for her for a few months. She asked me just when I'd decided to look for a job; if she'd asked a month or two earlier I would have said no.

So the Lord will work it out. I have a couple of months of financial leeway. And I suppose it's okay to need some recovery time. The last two years have been amazingly hard, physically and emotionally. You were always the one that made me not be so hard on myself. Be assured Jen has taken over that job! And I'm being gentler with myself now, too, since you're not here to ride herd on me.

I'm tired tonight, but less so than last night. I just wish I was sleeping with you and not the dog - nothing against the dog. I love you and miss you more than I can say. Sleep well,

Joan.