It's been a quiet Saturday and not as hot - mid-90s today. The local news - which, of course, is an hour away - said the whole viewing area got a good soaking rain this afternoon. Here, we just soaked in dry air. But since we have such a large Amish population, maybe they think we aren't viewing. I realized today that the horses are grazing in brown pastures with not a green leaf in sight. Even our weeds are brown. The only thing growing in the yard is some Queen Anne's lace.
On the job front, Father had suggested that I wait until fall to apply for a hospital job. I didn't think I could afford it. But then all the jobs in the area disappeared from the websites - this year's new grads have been hired. After a moment of panic I realzed some things. First, I don't want to go up against new grads - they're younger and cheaper than I am. Second, I was wrong to disregard Father's advice. He is my spiritual father, and a wise man that knows me well and can see my situation better than I can now. He was right - I do need some more time. The God who cares for widows and orphans is caring for me, especially since I'm both of those. I can hear what you're thinking - that I don't give myself any slack. I know you're right, and I really am trying to take care of myself.
And part of that is getting to bed at a decent time. So I'll take my jeans out of the dryer and head off to bed. Please keep praying for me - for more nights without nightmares, for the right job at the right time, and anything else that you think I need. You know me much better than I know myself.
I miss that knowledge. I miss your wisdom. I miss your smile, and your long arms around me, and the way you always looked at me from the first time I met you. I miss all of you. Know that I love you, and sleep well tonight.