That Old Orange Shirt

Dear John,

I was busy today. You know I've had to take the last week off of work because of the eye infection, and I've gotten some much-needed rest at the same time. I'm over the infection, going back to work tomorrow, and generally feeling much better. So today was a busy day - laundry, dishes, cleaning, trash, and emptying Elyssa's closet then deciding what to do with all that was stored there. 

This last week I rested physically and I crashed emotionally. Today I feel so much better emotionally. So I've learned something. I really did need to rest or I was going to pay - I'd been going at full speed since the middle of January. But I'm much better off emotionally when I'm busy. Like Mama always said: You'd be happier if you kept yourself busy.

So henceforth I will try to keep myself busy, off the streets and out of trouble, and far away from despair and depression. Feel free to remind me if I start to forget.

Oh, in going through some things today I found your old orange polo shirt, the one you did yardwork in. That was after I forbade you to wear it for anything else, because it was so old and stained and ratty-looking. I looked at it, held it in my lap, and just couldn't throw it away, ratty as it is. So I added it to the box of clothes that I'm keeping. Pure sentiment, I know, but I saw you in it for so many years. I can't let it go.

And I can't let you go, either. I'm glad I don't have to, glad I know I'll be with you again. I so wanted us to die together, but we couldn't. I hope my time comes soon. But however long it is, one day it will seem short compared to eternity. I'm coming - I know you'll wait for me!

Love you, miss you,

Joan.