Every Pool Needs a Rope with Floats

Dear John,

We had a wonderful morning at church. Your family beat me home - they texted that they were home while I was still at church. I got home at a quarter to three. We had four baptisms - one was Ron's. As his godmother I'd normally give him a cross or icon, but I decided not to do that. Since you were so close to him, I gave him your icon key chain - the one that matches mine. I'm so glad he has it now. You and Ron share a faith, a birthday, and a key chain. Very cool. I ended up leaving last, after sitting outside talking to our young friends. I do love that group. Maybe I'm immature or maybe I'm just ageing gracefully - no comment necessary from you.

Last week I created a new board on Pinterest called "Who I Am." I pinned a photo of a Victorian mourning ring with the caption "I am a widow after 34 years of marriage." Becky liked it, and said that she'd only had 13 years of marriage. I've been so acutely aware of that for the last eight months - it's been my reality check to remember Becky whenever I started feeling sorry for myself. You know those swimming pools that have a rope with floats on it where the really deep water starts? She's my rope with floats. If she's survived being widowed after only 13 years and from a cause that they didn't expect, then I can survive being widowed after 34 years from something (the radiation when you were 19) that we knew would get you if something else didn't. So she's the rope I hang on to when the water feels too deep for me. I was so happy to discover that she was my roommate my senior year. We had no idea we'd be sharing this as well. And that's a good thing. Not knowing the future is such a blessing!

And I still don't know my future - what has changed is that I don't care. I know now what the Psalmist meant when he said that there is nothing that he desires on earth. You're at home and I'm still sojourning here. But I'll come home whenever the Lord decided is right. Leave the light on!

Your loving ,homesick wife,

Joan.