New Olympic Event: Singles, Dog Toenail Cutting

Dear John,

I need your help for a few minutes - no more than an hour. i need help to trim Jethro's toenails. Tonight I managed to get one foot sort-of-cut. It was harrowing for him, me, and everybody within earshot.

Remember Caleb? When he saw me get the clippers out he ran to the sofa, lay down on his left side, and stuck all his paws out so I could reach them easily. And while I cut them, he just lay there quietly with a smile on his face.

Not Jethro. Letting him play with the clippers doesn't help. It seems to be less about the clippers than about having one of his paws held. That's what he resists. And oh, does he resist! Just what you'd expect from a 55-pound German Shepherd/Coonhound mix.

So since you haven't called with your offer to help, telling me when to expect you, I suppose I'll have to come up with another approach. I don't have the money to pay somebody to do his nails. I don't have any volunteers for wrestling the dog to the ground and keeping him there. I'm thinking Benadryl, right before bedtime. I'm also going to check out the internet for those emery-wheel things for dogs toes - he might not find it as uncomfortable or scary, or whatever bothers him.

But I will abandon any and all plans if you can drop by to help me with this. Advance reservations are not required. In the vernacular of Blind Willie McTell, "You'll have a home, mama, just as long as I have mine."

While you're here you might as well take a look at my throat - it hurts when I swallow. Check out my lymph nodes and see what you think. I'm seeing the doctor next week. What does your gut say about me waiting until then? Could we just text about it tonight? I could use your advice tonight.

It's probably a good thing my calling plan doesn't reach you. I'd keep you on the phone all the time. Because there's no time that I don't want to be with you. If you can't come to me, can I come to you? Lets see if we can get somebody's travel request approved!

I love you so very much,

Joan.