Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Talking to You About Talking to You

Dear John,
 
You have no idea how good it is to talk to you! It is good to sit here at the end of the day and tell you all the things I'd be saying when you got home from work and we'd be sitting on the sofa with the dog between us. I don't get to hear about your day, and I miss that. But it feels nice and warm and comforting to be able to talk to you.
 
You know whenever you were in the hospital, you'd call me before you went to sleep and we'd talk to each other last thing before going to bed. This is sort of like it was when you were in Methodist in Indy and didn't get cell reception in your room, so we texted instead. I missed hearing your voice at bedtime, but I heard you in your texts almost as well as with my ears. After 34 years of marriage - and 37 of talking to each other - I could fill in the gaps. I wish you could comment back tonight, but it helps so much to know you hear me. And sometimes I know just what you'd say back if I could hear it, and can see the way you'd look when you said it. And so I sit here and laugh sometimes, and cry sometimes, and sometimes do both at the same time.
 
And I do know that you're safe and happy, healed, not suffering, experiencing joy beyond what I can imagine. It's not like you're off at war, or still in the hospital, or something that would leave me worrying about you. I miss you, but I know that all is well with you. It's me that's not always doing well. But that's because I'm still here - that's earthly life for you. And, as I've said before, I'll join you as soon as I'm allowed to.
 
But for now, goodnight, sleep well, and remember to pray for me, especially for this job interview on Tuesday. (I actually bought panty hose today - I didn't know what shape mine were in.) I love you so much,
Joan.

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