Saturday, September 29, 2012

This is Why God Made Texting

Dear John,
Jethro and I had a good, quiet day, doing laundry and some light housework. The pork tasted great - I put it in with a little water, salt, pepper, and rosemary.
The big task of the day has left me a bit raw emotionally. I worked almost all day on transcribing our texting off my phone - today I did last December, January, and February. They are good to read, but very emotional, and they get harder and harder to read as I get closer to the end. I've been working on it for months, but after a bit I have to put it down for a while. That's why it's taken me so long, and I'm still not done. As I type them, I re-live those days. And they are getting harder and harder to re-live. But I'm so afraid something will happen to the phone and I'll lose them, so I'm pushing myself to get finished. I'd so hate to lose your last words to me. I kept the last pages of paper you used to write notes in the hospital, too. It's hard for me to read them, and to see your writing and thought processes change. I can't look at them often, but I wouldn't be without them.
So tonight I thank you for texting me, and for putting so much love and tenderness into what you said. The way we feel about each other shows. And I'm sorry for the times I got irritable and crabby. I know I was so tired, and under a lot of stress. But I shouldn't have been crabby with you. Thank you for understanding and forgiving me. The wonderful thing is that we've always been crazy about each other; each of us knew how much the other loved us.
Loved, and still love. I'll go to sleep tonight with your words in my ears, and my heart feeling like somebody took sandpaper to it. But that's okay - anything it takes to save our words to each other! Thank you for all your sweet, wonderful words!
Love you so very much,

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