Friday, October 26, 2012

I Found Big Metal Doors in My Head!

Dear John,
I seem to have left my voice at work yesterday. I feel fine but all I can do is whisper; I can't get out a sound. The dog is baffled and concerned. Do you remember that Sunday morning years ago at church, when Mertice and Jan and I had all lost our voices?  Everybody wanted you, DeWayne, and Dan to tell them how you accomplished it. We all laughed a lot that day. Good memories.
Today I just went shopping and whispered to all the sales clerks, who were very nice to me. Jim and Irene sent me a Meijer gift card and I used almost all of it. Three weeks out of the month I spend less than $30 on groceries. Then the other week I have to get all the periodic things - OTC drugs, food or chewbones for the dog, birdseed, softener salt  - all the high-price things. Today was that day. And I still have almost $6 left on the gift card! I didn't get to Nappanee. I can't believe it, but I slept until 11:30 this morning. I can't remember the last time I slept like that. It was a full 12 hours. I've been completely disoriented all day. It's seemed four hours earlier than it really was. I must have needed the sleep.
I've actually been listening to Robert Johnson for the last two days. I hadn't been able to for a few months. His CDs are the ones I was listening to when you were at River Crest, and they reminded me so much of those weeks that I couldn't handle them. Then I got my mind by the throat and decided that I wouldn't let it keep me from something so good. So yesterday I put the first CD on, and I found this wonderful thing in my head. You know those bit metal things that look like the tops of roll-top desks, that they pull down over counters when they're closed? Well, it turns out I have two in my head. I put the CD on, pulled one down behind me to shut out the past and one down in front of me to shut out the future, and sat there saturated in the music, just me and Robert Johnson. Sometimes the door to the past tried to open up, but I pushed it back down. There in between the doors, I could meet the music on its own terms and enjoy it again. And I really like that place between the doors. Driving down County Road 42 in the present - beautiful fall day, windows down, wonderful smells, gorgeous music - it's good.
That's all for today. I love you great huge bunches! Sleep well tonight. Keep waiting for me!

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