Thursday, October 18, 2012

I Need a Bigger Shovel

Dear John,
Bad day. Bad sore throat. Feel bad physically. Feel bad emotionally. Would like to get shovel from garage and go dig my side of the cemetery plot. General misery and discouragement here.
I really do feel bad - I have a very painful sore throat, with lymph nodes big enough to make it hard to swallow, and I feel bad all over. And I'm starting to deal with long-term financial realities, and it's extremely discouraging. I don't see any way I can keep the house. I've been looking at apartments and it's a bit bleak. This area has lots of high-end places and a few low-end places, but I'm not finding places in the middle. I'm thinking about giving Barb a call and talking to her, since she knows the Goshen market so well.
I really need your prayers right now. I know the Lord will provide something. But I'm so afraid that I'll mess up and do too much or too little. I want to be sure I'm doing the right things at the right time. And I'm fighting fear and discouragement, so please pray for that, too. I also have the complication we always had when renting: I have a 55-pound dog that has to come with me. Tonight I promised Jethro that he'd be with me, even if we're both living out of a grocery cart under an overpass. I will not take him back to the shelter. He's non-negotiable. (Said non-negotiable creature is lying at the foot of the bed destroying a chewbone with as much noise and enjoyment as possible. Sleeping may be challenging, but he's having a great time.)
I'm sorry - I've whined at you again. Since the fibro, I've looked with fear at my financial situation without you. And now I'm really looking it in the face, with no advisor or advocate to talk things over with. I'm on my own with this. So please, please pray for me! Jen is looking after me, which means she threatened to get rid of all the shovels and hide the car keys. And the dog is providing the unconditional love that only a dog can provide. So I hope all this will look better tomorrow, and maybe be less whiny and incoherent.
I love you so much! I need your shoulder tonight, and maybe the lime and cocoanut again. Sleep good,

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