Monday, October 15, 2012

Storms Meteorological & Emotional

Dear John,
 
Sorry I didn't get to talk to you last night - I tried, but the laptop locked up on me. I called Microsource this morning and they told me what to do to fix it, so here I am.
 
This six-month anniversary is hitting me harder than I'd expected. Part of it may be fibro - in the last three days we've had two strong fronts come through. But I found myself getting teary listening to Son House today, so it's emotional as well as physical pain. I'm just missing you so much these days. In know grief isn't linear, so I should expect there to be some bad stretches now and then.
 
I didn't get to church yesterday. I set the alarm for 7:00, but the wind was howling so - the house was creaking and popping, and the bushes rattling against the walls. Jethro was terrified and, as usual, the only way he would relax was on my head. I didn't have the heart to go away and leave him by himself when he was so frightened. So I slept another couple of hours while he lay on my head, and everybody was happy. He was jumpy all day, poor creature - the wind never did die down and we had thunderstorms in the afternoon, so he stayed in my lap for most of the day.
 
On reflection, I suppose the dog and I have reason to feel a little off today, don't we? We're both so sensitive to the weather - me because I have fibromyalgia, and him because he's a dog. We'll get to bed early tonight and should feel much better in the morning.
 
I love you so much. I still struggle to realize that your absence is permanent. Today I found myself thinking that I'd stop by and see you at work after running an errand for Kathy. Patterns of thought like that must take years to change.
 
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you this! Jen is wonderful and knows me far too well. If it hadn't been raining on Saturday, she was going to go by the cemetery and leave me a note reminding me that I wasn't allowed to dig! Isn't that marvelous? Today I kept thinking about that and giggling.
 
I'll think about that when I go to bed tonight, so I should fall asleep thinking about you and giggling. That should make you happy and completely annoy the dog. I love you so, so much!
Joan.

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