Friday, October 26, 2012

Stress, Temptation, and Prednisone

Dear John,
 
Another wild day. I ended up working nine hours with a half-hour break for lunch. I was burning sets of DVDs - training packets for new consultants. But, better living through chemistry. I never could have done today without being on Prednisone.
 
I was driving home in the dark down 42, smelling the leaves and the just-cut corn and the smoke from burning leaves, and feeling very content. It occurred to me that I'd love to call you on the phone and just say, "Agape," and wait to hear you catch your breath and start laughing. Remember, that was what you said when I answered the phone the first time you called me. It was during that spring semester you missed because of getting radiation, and you called to tell me you'd be on campus for a weekend chess tournament. I was excited to see you, and even more excited that you wanted to see me while you were in town. It was so much fun to go out in public with you - your head looked completely normal from the front, but when people saw you from the side they could tell that you had no hair at all on the back half of your head. It was fun to watch their faces change when your head turned. We had a good time that weekend.
 
Tonight I got way too tired and had a moment of temptation. I was watching Big Bang Theory  re-runs and out of nowhere my brain piped up and said, "I wonder if John is so busy and happy that he's forgotten me." Really, how beyond ridiculous can you be? It made me feel very sad and very abandoned, until I realize it was illogical and theologically unsupportable. Then I laughed at myself and went back to thinking about calling you on the phone and saying, "Agape."
 
Tomorrow I'm hoping to go wander Nappanee a bit. I haven't wandered it in a few years, and I want to see what else is out there in apartments, to be sure I don't miss anything. I had the terrible thought today that if I do move there, I'll have to find somebody else to work on the car. But maybe not. We'll see about that one.
 
Having made a plan and a decision has greatly decreased my overall stress. And Prednisone has given me some energy. While that golden combination is in play, I will try to get as much done as I possibly can. And I know better than to go off following any temptation that tries to tell me that you don't care about me anymore. I can tell that you do: When I asked you to get yourselves organized up there and pray for me, everything worked out the next day. Thank you all for that. I have a wonderful group of intercessors who are already before God - I will try to remember to call on them.
 
And now I'd better head to bed. The high today was 76, going to be 53 tomorrow. The wind is howling already, and the barometer in Indy has long ago put all fibromites in bed. Tomorrow may be a challenge. But I do hope I get to go out and have fun being productive.
 
I know you love me more than you ever did in life, know me better, and have even purer compassion for me. And you can pray so much better for me, since you are there before the Throne of God. Love me always, as I love you!
Joan.

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