Saturday, November 10, 2012

See You at the Headstone!

Dear John,
 
Jethro let me sleep in until 8 - not great, but better. I'm feeling much more human.
 
But the big news is that it got up to 67 today and the house is open. Okay, so I opened it when it hit 55. But it did get up to 67 after the sun came out. It's been lovely to have the outside sounds and smells inside, and good to air out the house. I've spent most of the day resting my head and making a pot of soup. Jethro worked on a rawhide bone all day and is now finishing the last knot.
 
I was watching Big Bang Theory  and thinking about how thankful I am that I never had to date as an adult. There are lots of advantages to getting married right out of college. For one thing, it's harder to hide who you really are in college - you see each other's dorm rooms, see each other during finals week and with the flu and everything else. By graduation you know each other pretty throughly. And you don't bring two of everything and your own personal routines into marriage - you start out with none of anything and no routine, and get to put it together, together. I moved from the dorm into our first apartment, our families brought the handed-down stuff, and you moved in after our wedding a week later. Mama and I spent the week between graduation and the wedding getting the apartment put together; she and I had so much fun that week.
 
I remember that we'd originally talked about getting married in the fall, so I could start work and take State Boards and have all of that out of the way before the wedding. But we decided that there was no sense in paying rent for two apartments all summer, and our friends could stay around a week for the wedding but wouldn't all be able to come back in the fall. So we planned everything together during our senior year and got married a week after graduation. I've always been so thankful, since by fall you had your second round of cancer and I'd never have convinced you that you should marry after that - it took some very tactful doing after the first time. And I did pass State Boards and survived a year at The Hospital from Hell, so it all worked out.
 
Thank you for deciding it was okay for you to get married. I know you did it under the misguided medical opinion that the cancer was over and done with and the treatment wouldn't cause any problems. But that never mattered to me - I wanted to marry you no matter what. I knew from the beginning that I'd rather have a week with you than a century with anybody else. And you finally realized a few years ago that I felt that way - you said you didn't know why, but that didn't matter either. That's how I felt, how I still feel, and how I'll always feel. So there.
 
I love you, adore you, and worship the ground you walk on. And will share the ground you rest in. But Jen reminded me yesterday that I'm forbidden to dig there. In spite of that, it's still good to see our names side-by-side on that lovely Georgia granite and to know we'll always be together.
 
Meet me at the headstone!
Joan.

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