Saturday, December 22, 2012

Nightgowns, Nightmares, and the News

Dear John,
 
I'm finally doing winter things. Tonight I pulled down the living room shades to keep it a little warmer on the couch. And I'm wearing my blue brushed nightgown that you bought for me in Holland, Michigan. It feels bittersweet to wear it because you loved to see me in it. But I love it too, and it's really warm! So I'm wearing it and wishing you were here to see it.
 
I dreamed about you last night - I had a kind of dream that I haven't in a while. I dreamed that you came back to life and were healthy, and we were so happy and having such a good time. Then I lost you in a crowd and never found you again. Jethro woke me up (good dog!) - I think I was crying in my sleep. This was not a good way to start the day. So if you're going to show up in my dreams, please try to stick around until the end! The dog and I both would appreciate you not sneaking out early.
 
I was watching a slideshow of the year's top news stories today, and was amazed to see how many of them I hadn't heard about. Those happened between February and June, so I shouldn't be surprised. I was a bit preoccupied. But still, I didn't think any really big stories passed me by completely. Maybe I have greater power of concentration than I know, or I only had eyes for you. I do know I was not watching television news the first half of the year because I had more than enough to worry about already. But I thought I was checking NBC often enough on my phone to at least catch the big stories. Wrong again. I was prioitizing, right? dealing with the needs in my own little corner of the world before worrying about something happening on the other side of the planet. My little corner of the world has been a bit chaotic this past year. My little corner will never be the same.
 
By the way, Jethro has been a bit less mopey today. These days right before Christmas are hard for me, and my mood is probably affecting him. I'm doing okay - sticking it out - but will be glad when the holidays are over. When I relax and cheer up, the dog probably will too. By then he'll have had more time at adapt to living with just me, and that should help. Right now, he's either outside playing in the snow, or he's curled up in my lap, or he's following me step-for-step as I do housework. I really think he's scared I'll go away, too. Poor thing, his humans keep leaving.
 
This letter has been a bit scattered - I had lots of little things to tell you about. Thanks for your patience. You never minded it when I babbled at you, and some things never change: I'm still babbling at you.
 
Babbling or not, I love you with all my heart,
Joan.

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