Sunday, December 16, 2012

Somebody Throw Me a Rope!

Dear John,
Would you mind too much if I just curl up on your shoulder and have a good cry? I don't know exactly what I want to cry about, but you're used to that, aren't you? As much as I hated for you to see me cry, I'd let you right now.
I don't know what's the matter - maybe life, the universe, and everything, like the Hitchhiker's Guide says. Church was fine. I got home and had leftover soup, which was fine. Television was fine. I'm just having one of those days where I want to curl up in a ball and wave the white flag. I want to give up, or resign, or abdicate, or whatever word fits.
Part of the problem - possibly all of the problem - is that I'm just so deadly tired. And most of that is normal fibromyalgia. Friday I was so exhausted that I wondered if I was coming down with mono again. Then I had some energy yesterday. It took all I had today to get to church. I worked short days this week, and I'm still this tired by Friday. So how am I going to be able to work enough to support myself, even if a job comes along that will have me? 
Some of this may be cumulative. Life went off the rails for us a little over two years ago. Since September of 2010, I've had exactly one normal day - April 7, 2011, the day we went to the shelter and got Jethro. Maybe I should expect to do this occasionally until I - until I what? get rested?  get over it all? find a new normal? get younger? somebody finds a cure for fibro?
I think I may be just a little bit discouraged - what do you think? I know I need sleep. And I'll be sleeping alone tonight - Jethro has deserted me for the living room sofa. He misses Jen and Elyssa, and his Daddy too.
Please, please pray for me tonight! My problems don't seem worthy of prayers in light of what Connecticut is dealing with this weekend, but do find a minute for me here and there. And if the group with you at the parapet has time, ask them for me. I've been swimming against the current for two years and I'm getting too tired to keep my head above water. So send somebody for a rope!
Thanks for listening to me whine. I'll feel better in the morning. If I don't, I'll run by Kroger and get a lime and a cocoanut. Love you with all my heart,

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