I've been thinking again. I know - Descartes had it wrong when he said, "I think, therefore I am.". It should be, "I am, therefore I think."
It seems that quite a number of my friends have someone close to them that is fighting cancer or some other disastrous disease. I found myself typing this to someone this morning:
There is no sense to cancer, but the good thing is that there isn’t going to be a quiz. It builds great big faith muscles, and they get sore and you get tired during the process, but you come out with a kind of faith you couldn’t have understood or imagined before. I’ve learned 2 things: God is always at work, and all that He does or allows is for everyone’s good. We have 2 cultural problems with this. First, we expect to understand what it is that God is doing - it’s illogical (there I go again) to think the creature can (or should) understand the workings of the Creator. Second, we assume that we have some idea what is good for us - but we think in terms of immediacy, while God thinks in terms of eternity.
I sat back and re-read it, and yes, I mean every word. I have come out with a kind of faith that I didn't have before. It's simpler, more radical, less cerebral, more child-like. Loss like this, especially with the three months we had before, cuts everything down to the bone. Faith is taken down to what is essential. Any remaining delusions of being in charge of anything are gone. You come face-to-face with your own dependence on God. And you have two choices: to be angry and bitter, or to relinquish autonomy in radical submission. I believe my choice arose less from piety than logic.
I'll need to think about this some more, obviously. But I wanted to talk this over with you. Let me know what you think. You know, I've always loved talking to you about things like this. Our first conversation was rather like this - you had me at "The Trinity."