Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Feisty Animals & the Dissection of Christmas

Dear John,
 
It's late and your little family is getting sleepy. That's good, because an hour ago I despaired of ever sleeping again. The animals are getting rested up from their mom being out of town - they weren't just rambunctious tonight, they were downright riotous. They ran all over the house chasing each other, then they decided to play on the couch and ran all over me until I broke it up. When they play, the dog looks ferocious, and you'd think he was killing the cat until you hear the purring. For some reason this cat likes having his head in the dog's mouth. And I don't have as much patience with it tonight as I usually have. I'm looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, and hoping the animals let me.
 
The world looks very different now that the holidays are over. I think there were a lot of things that made the Christmas season hard for me. There are all the memories of Christmases past, and the cultural ideal that nobody can ever live up to, and all the home-and-family emphasis that my life doesn't live up to anymore. It's really no wonder that there are so many suicides around Christmas. The season shines a spotlight on your pain and then tells you that you have to be happy.
 
So all of that is over now, and I'm feeling positively human. It's been sunny and a little bit warmer. It's supposed to be in the 50s later this week, but raining. I may open the windows a bit and air out the house. I know you're amazed that I ever closed them. You'd come home from work and make me close them, either because it was 50 or 90 inside. It was good that you looked after me - I do love the smells and sounds of outside.
 
That's all that's going on here. I'd better get the dog, who is outside barking at 11:15 at night. And the cat is bounding around the house with one of his toys. There may be no sleep here after all!
 
Love you so much,
Joan.

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