Thursday, January 10, 2013

Return of the Death Date Zombie

Dear John,
 
The Death Date Zombie is back. (imagine piercing female scream here) After the last date-of-death problem in November, the COBRA was reinstated and the were bills paid. What I didn't know was that my dental and vision insurance were also cancelled. I called in the Cavalry again - left a message for Erin. This thing has become "The Error That Wouldn't Die." I think the bills will all be settled before a year is out. They would have been settled before six months if it weren't for this error. But what would I have done with my free time? I'm still amazed at how nice all the people on the phone are to me.
 
I've been thinking about how different I feel now that the holidays are over. The best way to describe it is that I've moved from despair to hope. Last week I had hope for hope - I didn't feel better, but felt like some day I would. This week I do feel better. And the difference is that I feel hopeful about the rest of my life. I don't love you any less, or miss you any less. The way I feel about you is the same. The difference is how I feel about my future. The only reason I can come up with is that the holidays are over, and I know that's part of it. But it's only part. The rest of it I can't explain. Maybe it's just a gift. I just know it feels so good to feel good, and I'm grateful.
 
I'm coming - leave the light on.
This photo has two meanings for me. The ladder I'm climbing is the one that leads to Heaven, and to you. But it's also the ladder from despair to hope. I do best when I climb both at the same time. I know how much you want me to be happy - we had our talks about that - and I'll never be the same kind of happy I was with you. But maybe I can live with hope instead of despair. And I know that will make you happy, too.
 
Love you great bunches,
Joan.

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