Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Flying With Broken Wings

Dear John,
 
The cat just discovered the television screen. From now on there will be a cat-shaped silhouette in the center of the image.
 
I've had a wonderful day. I met Audora for lunch in Shipshe, and the girlfriend time was so good! We ate there at the Old Davis Hotel. (Yes, I know - it's called the Davis Mercantile since the fire and re-building. But it will probably always be the Old Davis Hotel to me.) After lunch we went to Lolly's, where I promptly got drunk on color. It was a good, special time.
 
After Audora had to get Paul home for his nap, I decided to stay and play for a while. I got to talk to Kris and Elsie - I hadn't seen them since your death - and get caught up. When we first met them we'd never have guessed how connected we would be after all these years. I'd meant to go across the parking lot and look at yarn, but I ended up spending all my time at the little shops at the Davis Hotel. And I did something shocking: For the first time since June, I actually spent money on myself. I bought an Evelyn & Crabtree perfume that I fell in love with last summer. Now I smell wonderful and I don't even feel guilty. Be proud of me - I spent money on myself without you here to make me do it.
 
I learned something today. I found out that I can go out like that and have lots of fun by myself. And I need to do that. I'll go back and do that again. Just looking at beautiful things made me feel good and happy. And I enjoyed talking to people. I met another widow that also lives in Topeka, and we exchanged phone numbers. So I seem to have made a new friend.
 
I didn't expect to have fun going without you, but I did. I suppose that's progress. We did everything together for so many years that it's an adjustment to do things like that alone. Now I've learned that I can still enjoy them. Not as much as I would with you, but more than not doing them at all. And that's good.
 
Once again, you had more faith in me that I did. And, as usual, you were right. But I'm still never, ever, ever going to Mackinac Island without you.
 
Love and adore you,
Joan.

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