Wednesday, April 24, 2013

I Will Not Mow Snow

Dear John,
It snowed today. So I decided not to mow. I refuse to mow snow. (There's a Dr. Seuss verse in there somewhere.) I'd planned to take the flannel sheets off the bed for the season, but decided it wasn't quite time yet. We are expecting "frozen mix" tonight - the dreaded Pink Stuff on the Weather Channel maps - and I haven't gotten warm all day. The populace is disgruntled and the groundhog is still in trouble.
I didn't mind not mowing. I got to sleep at 4:30 this morning, and the animals got me up at 7. I couldn't sleep in because I had to get the car down for an oil change, so I settled for a nap later. I think it was the caffeine in that Coke I had when I was visiting you. After waking me up early, Jethro and Hunter slept most of the day.
I got to see Bob today and tell him how sorry I am about Willie. It's troubling, knowing that our accidents were so similar, but I survived and he didn't. Maybe I'm feeling guilty. I already knew that my survival wasn't possible - not breathing for 5 minutes and decorticate, and all. This certainly underlines it. My problem is that I want to understand - I want to know why I survived. And that isn't for me to know. I need to let this be, along with the rest of the last three years. I know Who is in charge, and that is enough. My understanding is irrelevant - there will not be a quiz. And thank goodness for that!
I'm off to bed, and hoping to actually sleep tonight. I'll try to pretend that your arms are around me, my head on your shoulder. (But then, why is there a cat lying on my left hip?) Even in you're not here, I know that you are close. And that is enough.
Love you and miss you with every molecule in me,
P.S - You should see what Spell Check tried to do with "decorticate." :)

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