Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Singing in the Lifeboat - For a Moment!

Dear John,
 
it's a beautiful evening, still in the 80s. I'm sunburned, my right hand hurts, and I'm happy. It was a day of milestones.
 
First, I saw Joe, like I told you yesterday. He thinks my thyroid has tanked. It runs in the family. I had a thyroid panel, free T4, and CBC drawn. And remember those two tiny warts that appeared on my right hand when we were in Indy last year? I thought I was rid of them twice with the OTC stuff. They came back again, so he cryo'ed them today. And as I always do with cryo, within an hour I had huge and extremely painful blisters at both sites. I've always had to have them lanced. I'll see how they are in the morning, and if they're not better I'll give him a call and see if I can lance them myself instead of going all the way to Mishawaka again.
 
For the first milestone today, I went to Five Guys for lunch. This is the first time I've gone alone to a place we used to eat together. It was a good lunch, and it felt good to be there. That's a hurdle I was doubtful about ever crossing, and I'm glad it's done!
 
The other milestone involves your coats and jackets. For some reason, of all your things, those took me the longest to be ready to part with. I've pondered it at length and have no idea why. Kirby took some of them, but I still had your dress coat, parka, and Mackinac jacket. Today I went by to give your Panera jacket to Matt (found that when I cleaned out the coat closet). It turns out that he wears your size coat and needed all three. So they have a good home with him, which is wonderful. And he wants your chess books - I had no idea he played. There's nowhere I'd rather them be than with Matt.
 
Then I officially inaugurated summer: I went to The Chief for ice cream and ate it with you at the cemetery. I broke the fast for you, so appreciate it! Actually, Holy Week is a bit hard now because I feel like I did that the week before the anniversary of your death, and since then I've been celebrating the Resurrection. It all feels a bit out of sync. But that's because your death was on Holy Friday last year. So, for once, I have an excuse for being a bit disoriented.
 
i also spent money on myself without you being here to force me to do it. I went to Kohl's and bought some clothes. I've lost enough weight that the clothes I wore the last two summers are falling off of me, but I'm not quite down to my skinny clothes. So I picked up some things at a half-price sale. And I got a new pair of bedroom slippers. It was a bit sad, since we had matching sets, but I was almost coming through them. And those were on sale, too.
 
It was a remarkable day altogether. I had fun, and the weather was perfect. I had the car windows down and Clapton's Unplugged CD on. (I like his Malted Milk better than Robert Johnson's - treasonous, but true.)
 
So I spent the day singing in my little lifeboat. And it felt good, and I know it made you happy. You always wanted me to be happy when I had to live without you. I can't say I've mastered it, but I do have my moments. Now I'm off to bed. I'll be at the Liturgy at 9 tomorrow morning, then go to work. I'll miss you there. But I miss you here, and everywhere else, so that's not much different.
 
Sleep good,
Joan.

PS - I got the sunburn when I was eating ice cream with you. I really do need to talk to them about letting me plant a tree!

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