Sunday, June 9, 2013

Pain, Panic, & Dirty Underwear

Dear John,
I really need to learn this
Last night was an adventure - be glad you missed it! I went to bed and to sleep with no problems. The dog woke me up at 2 to go out, and I was hurting so bad I didn't get back to sleep until 5. It wasn't Jethro's fault - with fibro pain that bad, it wouldn't have been long before it woke me up.
It's been a while since I've hurt that bad. I sat up with the computer because I couldn't lie down without some part of me touching the bed, and touching anything was too painful. I suppose it was a combination of working two four-day weeks and mowing. But I've been mowing every week and have never hurt like that from it. I took Oxycodone at 2:30 and it took until almost 5 for me to start feeling better. That's what happens when it gets that bad before you take pain meds.
So I went to sleep around 5 and woke up at 7. I thought about getting ready and going to church, but I was still hurting too bad - I knew I couldn't stand for the whole Liturgy, but I couldn't possibly sit in those metal chairs either. I texted Father and went back to sleep until 8:30 when the dog woke me up to - you guessed it - go out. The pain was better but still quite unpleasant, so I've spent the day alternating between the heating pad and sleeping. The animals have slept a good bit of the day, too. Poor things, they didn't get much sleep last night either.
I hope this flare is brief. I'm having the usual financial mini-panic: My body can't handle working 4 days a week, but the bank account needs 5. And I've made little progress in the emotional arena - I'm still worrying about what people will think about me missing church. As I've said before, I'm having to really deal with having a chronic illness, now that you're not here. And I suppose everybody else will just have to deal with it, too. You used to run interference for me on things like this. I miss having you to help me deal with people that don't understand. In fact, you may have noticed that what I miss is you!
Thanks again for listening to me whine. I really tried to just tell you about last night. But I can't seem to do it without sounding like I'm whining. Maybe it's because I'm still hurting. At least I'm off tomorrow. There's plenty that needs to be done around here, but little that is urgent. Just laundry - I absolutely have do a load of underwear tomorrow!
On the lighter side: I found this photo, and loved it. In a confusing world, doesn't this just clarify things for you?
I love you so, so much,

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