Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Your Women are All Alike!

Dear John,
I've been trying to remember to tell you this since I was in Holland with you sister. You'll love this. We got to the hotel after dinner, unpacked, put on pajamas, looked at each other, and laughed. We were wearing almost-identical baby doll PJs. They were from Kohl's, hers a couple of years ago and mine this spring. The fabric was even the same, just in different colors - hers were blue and mine were turquoise. We decided that we have good taste.
You do realize that you married your mother, don't you? I am so much like your mother and your sister. Your description of what you wanted - the independent, strong-minded, smart-mouthed woman - is Irene in one phrase. And I remember when we were first married, when you'd do something that baffled me or drove me crazy, I'd call your mother and ask if your father ever did that, and what she did about it. And every time she said yes, your father was like that too, told me how she handled it, and it worked with you, too. And I remember asking you what kind of nightgown you liked best. You said flannel, because you remembered your mother and sister wearing them when you were little.
If I didn't know anything else about your childhood, all this would tell me that it was happy. There are plenty of people with bad childhoods that marry back into the same cycle, but they don't have happy, healthy marriages like we did. You saw a good marriage between your parents, and knew what to look for to have your own good marriage. And I'm so thankful that you found me along the way! Being me, I'd been keeping lists in my head since I was about four, one of traits I did and didn't want in a husband, and  another of behaviors I did and didn't want in myself. I was probably more consciously aware of the process than you were. But it worked well for you on an unconscious level. And we ended up together, and that's all that matters.
You know that really is all in this world that matters to me, don't you? There's a lot in Heaven that matters. But here, the only important thing is that I got to be married to you. And we worked together toward Heaven. And I still wear flannel nightgowns and baby doll pajamas, and act like all the rest of your women. It can certainly be said that you're consistent!
So happy to be one of your women,


  1. Oh I missed this post last night. Dana had a great childhood too! I think it made all the difference in the world. His parents are still alive (healthy) and still married. Losing Dana was a shock to them. I agree, good kids make good adults. We were very lucky woman Joan!

  2. And we still are! It's better to have had a perfect man and lost him, than to be married to a jerk that lives forever. Not exactly Shakespeare's words, but I think he'd agree.