Cats, Flags, & Other Things You Hate

Dear John,

 

I was up late last night. Like I said, it was a lovely, cool night, the kind that was wonderful when we could cuddle up together and I could go to sleep with my head on your shoulder. I kept thinking about you, and just couldn't bear to turn the light off and be in the bed alone. I finally made myself go to bed a little before 2, and slept well, if by myself. And it was better this morning.

 

It's been another cool, lovely day. It was perfect weather to mow and trim and do yard work. The house is looking good with the yard in good shape, the bushes all trimmed and tidy, and flowers in the window boxes and containers. The windows are even clean, except for the two here in the living room - they're abundantly decorated with dog nose art. It looks like grown-ups live here.

 

I did something a few weeks ago that you'd hate, but I did it anyway. You know those little flag things that hang on poles and are yard decorations? I always liked them, but you detested them. Well, I got one. It has pink petunias on a light blue background, and looks very summery. I'll get different flags for as the seasons change. I'm enjoying seeing it, but it still feels odd to have something that I know you wouldn't like. You know - like a cat. But I am absolutely certain that if you lived with Hunter, you'd love him. I'm not so sure about the flag. 

 

Jen is proud of me when I do something that I wouldn't do if you were here. And I know you want me to do these things, because you want me to go on living and to be happy. It's still hard to do that, but you took a lot of time to be sure that I knew what you wanted. And I did, and do, because I know you. You always wanted what was best for me, and you always tried to give me that. Except for the glaring instance of leaving without me. I still wonder how you could go on a trip and forget to take me!

 

I'll try to get to bed earlier tonight, since I'm working tomorrow. And I do hope my brain goes to work with me this time! I'll let you know tomorrow night. I love you so much - I started to say that I love you more than you can imagine, but that's not right, because you've always loved me just as much. It doesn't seem right to be apart, does it? But I trust that it is.

 

Eager to be with you again,

Joan.