Saturday, July 13, 2013

Making Time in a Bottle Out of Nothing at All

Dear John,
 
Can you tell I've listened to way too much radio today? I went to South Bend to exchange a shirt and buy one for tonight, and came back home. I took a shower and got dressed, drove to Maplecrest for tonight's event, and got home a little while ago. That's a lot of radio. Be impressed - I wore heels. And my feet hurt, so could you please come rub them for me? And I wore two of my grandmother Keistler's rings. They used to be too big for me, but my knuckles are bigger now and they all fit perfectly. It makes me very happy to be able to wear them, and I'm sure it makes her happy, too. Mama's fingers were too wide for them, so they've been in a jewelry box all these years. I think both of them are happy to see me wear the rings.
 
I'm beginning to enjoy the radio again. Now that the flare is over and I'm not so emotional, it even feels healthy to listen to the songs that let my heart do some primal screaming. It was especially interesting to hear Time in a Bottle today. I used to associate it with the guy I was dating when it came out, but now it's all about you. And as I listened to it today, I realized that no matter how long I'd have had you, it wouldn't have been long enough. If you had died at 106 instead of 56, it would still have been too soon. Having to live one second longer than you would make it too soon, no matter how old we were. And that makes it all feel a little better somehow. "There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do, once you find them." I wanted to get old with you. But I'd have said that no matter how old we were.
 
Oh, unprintable words! I just saw the first Japanese beetle of the season hanging onto the outside of the screen. They're baaaack! Do Japanese beetles go to Heaven when they die? I know - let's kill them all and find out.
 
If I'm going to have any chance of getting to church in the morning, I'd better drag myself off to bed. I'm tired and content.
 
Love you great bunches,
Joan.

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