My Heart Hurts Again

Dear John,

 

The fibro flare is better, but it's been a hard day. I actually cried a little at work - I don't know why today in particular had been so sad, but it has.

 

The short work day turned out to be long enough that I didn't get to the Farmer's Market. Everything I did got more complicated than I expected. I was going to get milk on the way home, and forgot to. But I have enough for another couple of bowls of oatmeal, so it's not time to panic yet.

 

It rained and stormed most of the day. So when I got home, Jethro was extremely excited and His Felinity was lying on the bed, where he can enjoy isolated superiority since the dog isn't allowed up on the bedspread. And I know he's not getting up, since nobody has opposable thumbs to be able to straighten out the bedspread.

 

I really don't know why, but my heart just hurts. Maybe it's the thing about having fun. Everything I can think of that would be fun, wouldn't be fun without you. Doing anything - or nothing - was fun with you. A blog I follow asked all of us to comment what our one wish would be - anything was open except it couldn't be for world peace or more wishes. I thought, and thought, and thought. And I couldn't find anything I want except to have you back alive and healthy. Nothing else matters. And since I can't have that - you guessed it - nothing matters.

 

I'm just aching inside tonight. There's nothing to be done about it. I'll feel better soon. I won't stop missing you, but I'll feel better soon.

 

Love you so very, very much,

Joan.