Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Soon Isn't Here Soon Enough

Dear John,
 
I don't feel better yet, physically or emotionally. But I did get my hair cut, so at least I look better. I'm batting .333.
 
The good news is that most of the feed corn tasseled out. Last night. Really, it hadn't when I came home from work yesterday, and it has today. It's been interesting to see what daily rain does. We're growing quite a crop of mushrooms and moss in the yard. 
 
The bad news is that I finally tracked down the discrepancy in your life insurance payment. You'd told me many times that you increased your Panera policy from the $15,000 base to $45,000, and I remember when you made the change. But last year I got the base amount. And I was grateful for it, since you couldn't get life insurance anywhere else. But I'd been trying to track down what happened to the rest. Today I finally got hold of somebody that could figure it out. You were turned down for the increase. And I can't blame them at all. You were an actuarial nightmare. But it was disappointing. That would have been plenty to get me through the next 2 1/2 years until I can file for your Social Security. Then I'll be okay.
 
My friend Ronda talks about how much her husband did to take care of her - he was one of those men who could build or fix anything. You took care of me, too, but in a different way. (other than buying me power tools so I could fix and build things) You took care of me so I could take care of the fibro. I knew I was safe with you, that I could lean when I needed to. So now I need to lean again. Please pray for me, for God's providence in whatever way is best - new job, big raise, equity line of credit, disability, whatever is best - and that I'll pursue the right things. And that I won't be afraid.
 
I know I'm only doing what is normal when the fibro flares - I'm being more emotional and more negative than usual. I will feel better. Probably not until next week, though. I'm subbing for Kathy tomorrow at 7 am, working tomorrow and Friday, and her year-end awards celebration is Saturday evening so I'll work late that night. And mow Monday if the rain allows. Maybe the week after? And this is the flare talking again - I so need some time to rest and let it pass, but I don't see a break coming.
 
So I'm looking for shelter under your wing again. I can't see and feel the wing anymore, but I know that it's even better now that you're praying for me in Heaven. Please round up the friends and family and pray for me. And know that I pray for all of you, too.
 
Love you, trust you, adore you,
Joan.

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