Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The End of the World as We Know It

Dear John,

At least one person is happy about the shutdown!

We've descended into chaos and anarchy. And no, I'm not talking about the government shutdown. I'm talking about the new television season. Once again, my emotions are taking me by surprise.
Burn Notice has ended - you know that. And they gave it a happy ending, but I'll miss it. The new season of NCIS has started, and they're writing Ziva out of it. Cote DePablo wanted to leave, probably to go back to the stage. I should be taking all of this in stride. After all, I watched - and survived - the end of MASH. I can do anything.
But tonight it was all just too much. There's been too much change, too much loss. And I still feel like the world should have stopped the moment of your last heartbeat. Familiar television, shows we watched together, must have created some sense of familiarity and security for me. Tonight I feel unmoored, with no comfort of sameness anywhere in my world.
It was an interesting reaction. And truly, so much has changed. All of my social relationships are different because I'm not part of a couple, church is different with you not there, home isn't the same, my routine and responsibilities are very different - nothing is the same. Now the illusion of sameness on television is gone, too. My head says this is silly. But my heart and gut disagree and won't be quiet. Art imitates life and, in the process, illumines it.
I'll take my three ever-changing animals off to bed. And ponder this some more. I miss the way things were. But life doesn't have a reverse gear and nothing earthly lasts forever.
Love you so much,

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