Tying the Logic Knot Too Tight

Dear John,

 

Just for variety, I thought I'd miss something else about you today: I miss having you to get excited about things with me. The animals and I just don't get worked up about the same things.

 

Jen and I were talking about Danica's graduation in June. It didn't surprise me that I wish you could go with me. But I discovered that I also miss being excited about it with you. If you were here, I'd tell you the date and we'd talk about combining vacation with it, and spending a week or so in the Keys, and be excited together about seeing Danica graduate. It's different when you're excited alone.

 

I think I told you that I can't use the window quilts any more - hanging quilts in windows on pressure rods is completely out of the question with two cats. I tried it on the first cold night, and in two hours all of them were down. They came down one by one, after I was asleep, about twenty minutes apart, with great sound and fury. A good time was had by everyone but me.

 

So I needed to do something else about window insulation, and have been looking at curtains but not wanting to spend the money. Last Wednesday, Kathy gave me the rest of a roll of upholstery fabric that she had. The color is perfect, so I'm getting exactly what I want for free. I would have finished them today, but I ran out of thread. I have sewing machine and fabric and notions strewn all over the dining room table. And speaking of the table, I started decorating for Christmas today. I changed out the usual seasonal things - pillows, curtains, tablecloth, and runners and all. I need to do some sale shopping before I can do anything else.

 

I'm excited about the curtains, but I wish you were here to come home from work and be excited with me. You were wonderful about that, you know. You'd work hard all day, then come home and be happy for a couple of loads of laundry and some Christmas decorating and sewing that I'd done. You always cared about what I did and let me know that it mattered to you.

 

So tonight I thank you for that, and for getting excited about these things with me. I'm leaning how to discipline myself to do things even though you're not going to come home and see them. I also have to learn that it's enough to be excited about something by myself. Those are hard things to learn. But you know that. And I'm sure that you're excited that I'm learning to get excited all by myself. Could you come home tonight, and see that I did things even though you weren't going to come home to see them?

 

I'd better stop before I tie this logic knot so tight that I strangle myself, hadn't I? But I know that you know what I mean. You always have, and you always will. And you love me anyway.

 

Adore you,

Joan.