Why I Tried to Think Like a Normal Person

Dear John,

 

Happy Thanksgiving! Though I suppose every day is full of praise and thanksgiving for you now. But happy day anyway.

 

I tried this morning to think what things in my life I'm particularly thankful for, and it was hard. It isn't because I'm not thankful; it's just that I'm a logical creature. Since everything is from God, how can there be anything I'm not thankful for? There are things I don't like or understand - like outliving you - but if I believe that God is all-loving, all-knowing, and all-powerful, then I have to know that this is what is best for both of us. So I have to give thanks, not as an emotion, but as an act of the will.

 

Then I tried to think like a normal person, which was a challenge. I took the question to mean what do I like most about my life, which seems to be what most people take it to mean. That list starts with the years I had with you, and includes the people that love me, food and clothes and a roof over my head, my animals, my job, and the fact that the holidays will go away someday.

 

I've had a good, lazy day. My lymph nodes were up so much that I had trouble swallowing, so I stayed home this morning. (No, I'm not sick. It's just a normal part of fibro-chronic fatigue. And for me, it's a sign that I need to stop and rest before I flare.) I've watched television, snuggled with the animals, and eaten Raisinettes. For dinner I had a piece of cheese toast and left-over broccoli while I watched Sixteen Candles. It's been a good day.

 

Now I'm waiting for the Steelers game. It will be a late night, but I don't have to get up early so it's okay. Sleep good tonight. And remember that it's been you that I was most thankful for ever since we met, and it always will.

 

Love you more than life,

Joan.