Monday, March 31, 2014

A Door Slammed on My Tail and There's No Bridge in Sight

Dear John,
 
I should have know that I couldn't write to you that early and be done for the day. We've always talked at bedtime no matter where we were. So here I am, back at bedtime.
 
I just heard "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and had to talk to you about it. The person the song sings about is what I haven't had since you died. I never imagined that I'd get to this point in my life and be so completely alone. You were my best friend, so I lost husband and best friend at the same time. All my close friends are part of couples. And anyway, everybody thinks I should be fine by now. I am so completely alone.
 
My job doesn't help that - I work alone in a basement office and have little or no interaction with people. That was good the first few months without you, but now I don't think it's healthy. And that takes me back to the employment issue. We've already dealt with that one.
 
I remember one time, when things were hard for us, you said it seemed to you that we were being extruded, that God was putting us through things in order to squeeze us, to force us into the place He wanted us to be. The word has come back to my mind several times in the last week. Maybe I'm being extruded. It has happened before. But you were with me, and everything was easier when you were here.
 
Tonight I'm alone and afraid. I feel helpless and hopeless. My head knows that the Lord is still in charge and won't abandon me. My heart isn't convinced, not tonight. Please, please pray for me. The water is troubled and there is no bridge in sight. I'm going to bed now, to eat my snack and have my prayer time, and maybe cry myself to sleep. Thank you - it is good to know that you pray for me.
 
Love you with all my heart,
Joan.

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