Monday, March 24, 2014

I'll Be Down Here if You Need Me

Dear John,
 
Still flaring, still sleeping a good bit of the day. I got up, took a shower, got dressed, ate breakfast, and was so exhausted that I lay down and slept for almost three hours. I woke up when I got a text from Kathy asking me to go feed her cat, since she was going to be late getting home. I got as far as Millersburg and got another text saying that Kirby was on his way home to feed the cat. So I came back home.
 
I spent a couple of hours on the phone dealing with business issues, mostly other people's mistakes, and have two out of three problems straightened out. Then I fed the animals and baked a potato for dinner. And now I'm ready to go to bed.

Flaring was never enjoyable, but it's downright scary without you. This could go away in a day or a year, and there's no way to know which it will be. Tomorrow I have to work for eight hours, go to church after work, and have a couple of grocery items that I absolutely have to pick up. And the idea of just getting up and dressed is completely overwhelming.

I don't need to explain this to you because you understand. I'd love to be able to just grieve for you without all this other stuff to deal with, to be healthy and know how the bills are going to get paid. But that probably doesn't really happen for anybody - there's always something. I'm tired and discouraged from doing all that I can and finding that it isn't enough. 

Please pray for me - that the Lord will continue to provide for me, whether it's by me working or not, and that I will learn to be content with not seeing my way in front of me. And pray that I can actually get up and dressed in the morning. Maybe you should just pray for me and let God sort it out. There's nothing here that doesn't need prayer!

Struggling tonight,
Joan.
 


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