Tuesday, April 15, 2014

I'm Going to Be Okay

Dear John,
 
It's after 10:00, and I'm finally sitting down and catching my breath. I went straight from work to church for Bridegroom Matins. It was wonderful, as it always is.
Behold, the Bridegroom come at midnight, and worthy is that servant whom He will find watching, but unworthy is that servant home He will find heedless. Beware, therefore, O my soul, lest you be given over to death and cast out from the Kingdom. But rouse yourself, crying, "Holy, holy, holy art Thou, O Lord."
I see Thy bridal chamber brightly adorned, O my Savior, but I have no wedding garment that I may enter there. Make the robe of my soul to shine, O Giver of life, and save me.
This is some of my favorite music of the whole liturgical year, and I know it was for you, too. We've had a lot of people coming every night, and it's wonderful to see people, especially young people, some with small children, coming out every night of Holy Week. All the chanters have Holy Week Hoarseness - it's the second half of the week and our voices are struggling. But that struggle is part of the value of Holy Week. It wouldn't mean anything if it was easy.
 
And now, I have wonderful news for you. I'll start a new job in two weeks. Monday afternoon the bank called and offered me a full-time teller position. I didn't tell you until today because I wanted to tell Kathy first - she's sorry to lose me, but is happy and excited for me. Working for her is a terrific supplemental income, like it was for us when I first took the job, but it can't be a sole support, and she understands that. There are things about the job that I will miss, but  I'm ready to plan for my future now, and it's time to move on.
 
This will be full-time with benefits. I'll work a half-day every other Saturday, and on those weeks I'll have a weekday off, which will be nice so I can schedule doctor and dentist appointments. I'll have health insurance and retirement, and paid sick days and vacation days. It's been twenty years since I've had any of that. I'll be able to walk to work, and to come home for lunch if I want to. Most weeks I won't need to use the car at all except on Sundays.
 
I'm so thankful. I was at the end of my financial rope, but I'll be alright now so you don't need to worry. I know it always bothered you that you couldn't get life insurance - you wanted to leave me well provided-for. I'm glad you got to approach death thinking that you had $45,000 life insurance for me from Panera. It was best that we didn't know they'd turned you down for that. You would have worried about me. As it was, you were able to die thinking that I'd be okay.
 
And I have been okay, just not the way you planned. I've been okay because the Lord has always provided for me. And now He's given me a job that will make it possible for me to take care of myself. It will be right here in town, working for and with people that I've known for almost twenty years. If your prayers had anything to do with this, which I strongly suspect, thank you. I know that you're still taking care of me like you always did. I'll be okay.
 
Love you so very much,
Joan.
 


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