Friday, April 4, 2014

Long Lovely Arms

Dear John,
 
My throat is much better and I definitely have a cold. I can't remember the last time I had a cold - it's been at least fifteen years. This morning I went to the pharmacy and got Sudafed and mucinex, in an attempt to get all of this to dry up. I dripped and sneezed all through work today.
 
I've been thinking about your arms. They were so long - long enough that you kept getting measured for Marphans Syndrome and no shirts ever fit quite right. But I loved them that way. It felt like you could wrap them around me twice. And it felt so good to have them around me. Everything was alright when I was in your arms.
 
I remember that one time you told me how much you loved having me fall asleep in your arms at night. You said that it meant so much to you that I felt safe enough to sleep with my head on your shoulder and your arms around me. Being me, I pointed out that, if I didn't feel safe sleeping in your arms, I most certainly wouldn't have married you! But you were right - your arms were the safest place in the whole wide world. I relaxed with my head on your shoulder and your arms around me in a way I've never relaxed anywhere else.
 
I miss that every night. But I especially miss it when I'm not feeling safe, when I want a refuge to hide in for a bit. I have nowhere to hide now. I have to face the world alone. I'm doing it - you and Mama and Daddy always knew I could. What I knew was that I had no desire to. But, as I have noted before, my permission wasn't sought before any of these events transpired. And, as I've also noted, it continues to amaze me that you forgot to take me with you.
 
Do your arms ever feel empty now? Your life is full and wonderful and perfect. I suppose it wouldn't be perfection if there was anything you missed. But I can't help hoping you miss me just a little bit. I hope that, at least, you look forward to my arrival, at which time I will expect to have your arms around me again.
 
Lonely without your long lovely arms,
Joan.

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