Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Solace Comes in Different Sizes

Dear John,
I've had a good day off. To the great delight of the animals, I spent the day at home. The yard needs mowing but it has rained all day. I did laundry, vacuumed, dusted, and gave the kitchen a thorough cleaning. As soon as I sat down, everybody came and lay down together on the couch and fell asleep. Maybe it was the cool, rainy day. Maybe it was the fact that Mom stayed home all day for the first time in three weeks. Either way, a good time was had by all.
And I'm feeling better. Last night was the lowest I've been since your death. I've never desired my own death quite that much. I didn't expect that point to come after two years. It seems that changing jobs shook some things loose. Working for Kathy was something that I had done while you were alive. Now I'm doing something that you weren't a part of, and that has had emotional consequences that I didn't expect.
The animals seemed to know how I felt - all of them have been right by me all day. And your sister seemed to know, too. She called, and the conversation did wonders for me. She said things that you would have said. Most of them were things that I already knew, but there are some things that you have to hear from another person.
So tonight I feel much better. Solace came from unexpected sources. Your sister and the animals love me, and I'm grateful.
Still watching for that stagecoach,

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