Thursday, May 22, 2014

That "Meaning & Purpose" Thing Again.

Dear John,
 
I had a good day at work. I was in the lobby instead of the drive-up. It's fun in the lobby. There are people there. I feel much more cheerful  and less stressed tonight.
 
If you get the chance, hunt Willie up and tell him how much I enjoyed talking to Alanna today. We talked about the two of you, of course, and how we're doing on our own, and how much we miss you both. It helps to talk to people who share this awful experience. I wish nobody else had to go through this, but if they do, it's good to do it together.
 
I was thinking about my job tonight. It's good to be back in a service job - I had missed that. It gives meaning to what I do. Working in critical care was meaningful, but what gave my life meaning was you. Now, once again, I have work that has meaning. But I still struggle to find meaning to my life. I'd like to have meaning and purpose, but I don't, and I don't know if I ever will again. It's hard to live this way, and it's frightening to think about living the rest of my life like this.
 
Well, meaning and purpose aren't things that I can force or artificially create. I suppose they are gifts from God. If He wants to give them, I will gladly receive. If not, I will survive. Please pray for me, but I have no idea what for or how. I'll leave that up to you. If all else fails, just pray, "Lord, have mercy."
 
Struggling without you,
Joan.

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