Monday, June 30, 2014

Keeping My Eyes on the Prize - and the Radar

Dear John,
 
I had a good day at work, got milk, eggs, and cheese on the way home, watered the flowers in the window boxes, paid bills, and am waiting for the severe storms we're supposed to get tonight. I haven't told Jethro yet. He'll find out soon enough, poor baby.
 
Television was bad so I turned on Pandora when I got home, had a good cry over Same Auld Lang Syne and Fire and Rain, and felt much better afterward. I think I'm grieving for you and your mother at the same time, and it's all mixed up together. Bless the dog, when I cry he comes and sits next to me and licks my face. And since I tend to cry with my mouth open, I get French kissed by the dog, so after a while I end up laughing. He's right beside me at the first sniffle. He loves me and looks after me.
 
I found this tonight. It's exactly what I want to do, but I can't follow you yet. How does one stalk somebody that's in Heaven? Believe me, if I could figure that out I'd be on your trail in a minute. I'm waiting to follow you and watching the sky for stagecoaches. You didn't even leave a trail of breadcrumbs for me to follow. We always wanted to take this trip together, but it wasn't our choice to make. I still miss you with every heartbeat. I don't like being on my own - I'm tired of being strong, tired of having to be strong. I wish I had you with me.
 
But I do have you to look forward to. I do better when I can keep that in mind. This life seems so long, but it really isn't, especially compared to eternity. As has been said, I need to keep my eyes on the prize and hold on.
 
Holding, waiting, and loving you,
Joan.

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