Needing You to Talk To

Dear John,

 

Sam just mowed for me, bless her. I'd kiss her feet if they weren't covered with grass.

 

Tomorrow is Friday, and a short Friday for me - only 9 1/2 hours. I'm off this weekend, and I'm so thankful. There are things I need to do - I'm behind on the chores after being out of town the last two weekends - but what I need to do the most is nothing. I need to just relax.

 

I hope I'll be able to relax. I'm still feeling stressed all the time. And I'd still appreciate any wisdom or suggestions you have about this. I've had jobs before that were very stressful, but the difference was that I had you to come home to after work. Now there doesn't seem to be any such thing as "after work." I feel like all I do is work, with brief breaks to come home and sleep a bit before I go back. I suppose that's part of adjusting to working full time. It's probably intensified by traveling the last two weekends. And this job has long hours - there is no eight-hour day here.

 

This is the latest phase of adjusting to life without you, I guess. I not only have a stressful full-time job, but I'm doing that without you to support me, encourage me, and give me a life outside of work. I'd give everything in this world to have you to talk to when I come home. Handling the outside world is so much harder when you're alone. Learning how to do that is turning out to be the hardest part so far of this widowhood road. Funny - I passed the two-year mark, and find that this is the hardest part yet.

 

Please keep praying for me. And if you can come visit in my dreams tonight, it would help. When are you scheduled to get Skype or phone service there, anyway? (Can you hear me now?) Actually, I don't doubt that you can hear me. It's me that needs to hear you.

 

Needing you,

Joan.