Friday, June 20, 2014

Respite

Dear John,
 
It's been an unusual day.
 
It started at 2 AM when I woke up coughing, wheezing, with an upset tummy. I took Mucinex, but it was about an hour before I was able to get back to sleep, so I curled up with the animals and used the time for prayer. As I prayed, I felt all the stress and fear falling away from me. For the first time in weeks, I felt what I've been knowing by faith - that God loves and cares for me. It was a gift, to feel it as well as know it. I needed it badly.
 
I woke up at 5:30 feeling worse physically, with a full-blown tummy bug. Between bathroom trips I managed to get dressed and ready for work, but then I threw up my breakfast and called in. Everybody was very nice about it and hoped I felt better soon. I got undressed and back in bed by 7:30, and slept until noon. The animals were delighted and all piled up with me in the bed. I've spent the day drinking Gator-Ade, watching television, and sleeping. (I confirmed my suspicion that the movie Laura is nowhere near as good as Vera Caspary's book and the newer Murder My Sweet is vastly superior.) I was finally able to eat scrambled eggs, and the nausea started getting better around 8:00 tonight. I hated missing work, especially on a Friday, but they said they'd be fine. And nobody really needs me coming to work sick and sharing it with everybody else. I have the next two days off to be sure I'm over it.
 
Last night put me in a much better place emotionally. I'm finding it easier to trust and not stress. Maybe the best way to say it is that I'm feeling more like myself than I have in a while. I spent two years not being afraid of anything at all - the worst thing that could happen to me had already happened, so what's left to fear? And I've spent the last two months being terrified of everything. Now I'm feeling a peace that I haven't known for quite a long time. I seems to have found some reality in the midst of all this upheaval.
 
So thank you for praying for me - don't stop on account of me feeling better tonight. I'd chatted with Father yesterday and know he was praying for me, too. I have a ways to go before life settles down. But I feel better able to face it today. Thank you.
 
Adore you,
Joan.

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