Sunday, June 29, 2014

Stoned on a Short Rope

Dear John,
I'm not sure what to say about today except that I probably needed it. The anxiety was way too bad to let me go to church this morning. There was no way I could have handled being in a crowd. I was having a lot of fibromyalgia pain so I took a pain pill, which took care of the pain but also gave me a break from the anxiety. I've been stoned all day but much less anxious. I can't go out in public like this so it's not a solution. But it was good for me because it reminded me how good it feels to feel more normal, and that gives me hope. I also got some sleep and I needed it - for the last six weeks I haven't slept more than two hours at a time, and rarely that. I should be in better mental and physical shape tomorrow.
Things are very hard right now; I'm glad to know that you're praying for me. I feel like all I've done lately is whine at you and I feel bad about that. But you never felt that way - you always wanted to know the truth about how I felt and what I thought, and I know that hasn't changed. I almost didn't write tonight because I didn't want to just say the same things over again. But I didn't want to worry you, and I always feel better after talking to you. So here it is - the same things over again. Enjoy!
I'm working the next three days, then I see Joe. I'm trusting that he can help me. My rope is getting very short.
Love you,

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