Monday, July 7, 2014

Air Supply & Biochemistry

Dear John,
I think I turned a corner last night. I'm feeling a little better, maybe about one quarter human. And it feels very good.
Father called yesterday evening and I had a good, long conversation with him. And I shared about the depression on Facebook last night and got lots of support. The hard thing to clarify is that this isn't about your death. It factors in, as it does to everything in my life, but the cause of the depression is Cymbalta withdrawal. As I touch base on the internet with other people who have gone through this, they all had the same problem. And they didn't even know you. Of course, emotions get all tangled up together - your death and my new job are factors. But I have to treat and deal with the underlying withdrawal problem first.
So today I've felt better. I went to bed last night looking forward to going to work. And I got hungry today. I have mixed feelings about that since I've lost ten pounds in the last two weeks, but I know it's a good sign. I found myself smiling today. I'm still somewhat irritable and anxious, but much less than I was a couple of days ago. I'm going in the right direction.
I had a memory bubble up this afternoon. I know you remember this one. We were walking down the midway one afternoon at the Clark County Fair. We'd seen the kids' 4H entries and were going to ride the rides. And walking toward us was a very large-chested woman wearing a tee shirt that said "Air Supply." We had to duck behind the merry-go-round because we couldn't keep from laughing. I still chuckle about that every time I hear one of their songs. And from that I learned to be very careful about what printed words I wear.
It was good to laugh today. I'll have to make a habit of it. Love to laugh with you,

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