Sunday, August 10, 2014

Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose

Dear John,
 
I had a good morning at church and a long nap afterward. Then I turned on the television and found "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose." That was your very favorite X-Files episode, partly because Peter Boyle was in it and partly because of the questions it raised. I enjoyed seeing it again. The series was wonderfully atmospheric and the cinematography was excellent. It's rerunning on Chiller. I think I'll watch more of it.
 
It seems that I've succeeded in making other people comfortable talking about you. It took time and work - for some reason, everybody thought that hearing your name would make me dissolve in tears. That's silly, of course. I love to talk about you, and it means a lot to me when you are important enough to others for them to bring you up in conversation.
 
You're talked about the most at church. Charlie says he is constantly aware of you during the Liturgy. He says you still serve behind the iconostasis like you always did, and sometimes you make him laugh. I have no idea what you are up to back there, but Charlie likes it. Feeling your presence makes him happy.
 
Keep the light on for me.
And Josh said today that you help him with his job. He lets people should him too much; sometimes he feels like he should have a "better" job, have an "important" career. Then he remembers that you did what he does without having any problem with it. I, of course, talked to him about the importance of being obedient to God and the complete irrelevance of the expectations of others. You agreed with my Grandmother Keistler: Any honest work is good work, and is beneath no one. I rather got in his face about it. His face survived.
 
You're still very important to so many people! They miss you - at church, the post office, the bank, the pharmacy, the doctor's office, and so many other places. There is still mourning for you and celebration of you. Me, I still can't separate you from any part of my life, past or present. We're a scrambled egg and totally unseparatable. So I'm living my life here and waiting for the time that I join you. And most of the time, the veil  between here and there is very thin.
 
So, tonight, pull up "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose" on Chiller's website and enjoy. And know that you're still loved, mourned, valued, and celebrated here. Keep the light on for me!
 
Forever yours,
Joan.

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