Saturday, August 2, 2014

Fresh Bread & Power Tools

Dear John,
 
I've had a perfectly lovely day. I woke up early, went to the pharmacy and the Farmers' Market, had lunch and brought ice cream from the Chief out to eat with you, stopped at the co-op, and came home with cheese, greens, potatoes, bread, yogurt, and the world's biggest tomato. I cuddled with the animals a while, then cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, and watered the petunias. Then I took a badly-needed shower.
 
I surprised myself this morning. I was sitting in bed with the laptop like I do on my days off, and found this lovely photo on Pinterest. My first thought was, "I can do that!" My second was that it's a good thing I didn't sell the table saw. Then I heard myself.
 
You know how long I've wanted bead board in the main bathroom. And I'd love to replace the mirror and need to replace the vanity and sink. And that old vinyl floor has got to go. I've been feeling so overwhelmed for the last two years that I'd dismissed any thought of doing anything at all with it. But this morning I thought, "I can do that!" And of course I can.
 
It seems that I'm doing better. I appear to be myself again, for the first time in over two years. It help to be out from under the Cymbalta-withdrawal depression. And solvency helps, too. I've learned that I can indeed work full time, and I love my job. I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore.
 
So I'm reading my home renovation books and making plans for the bathroom. If I'm going to do this, I might as well do it right, and that means taking up the flooring and putting down tile. The only thing I'm concerned about is taking out the toilet, and only because I can't lift it by myself. But we'll deal with that. For now, I'm just excited to be excited about something. And it feels good to have regained something  - self-confidence? a sense of adventure? the courage to challenge myself and try something new? my love of power tools? maybe just myself.

I knew you'd be happy to hear all of this. I know you're smiling right now. I'm smiling, too. It was good to hear myself thinking like that. Let me hear all your suggestions for the bathroom!

Love you even more than power tools,
Joan.

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