Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Heaven: Where There are no Fans or Sweaty Wives

Dear John,
I saw Barb this morning. By the time I got there, I felt the worst I had since all of this started. I was aching all over, wheezing, my chest wall hurt, and I felt like I was breathing through mud. She listened to my lungs and said they sounded much worse. It seems to be the usual gravity thing - it may start out in my sinuses, but until I learn to live upside down, it will eventually run downhill into my lungs.
So I got 125 mg of IV Solumedrol and immediately felt better. I had some errands to run, and decided I'd better do it while the steroids were carrying me. I picked up cat food and litter, then I went to UP Mall and got a hotdog at Five Guys, a Sudoku book at B&N, and two pairs of knee socks in the mall. They're being called "boot socks" now, but they're the same thing as 1960s knee socks. And I'm delighted - if they're getting popular to wear with boots, they'll be available again! I have these few pairs that I've been babying for decades. I like to wear skirts, and I much prefer knee socks to tights or stockings. On the way home I made a stop at the co-op for bread, cereal, and yogurt. And I got a cupcake to celebrate breathing.
Barb and I had some time to talk while I got the IV, and it's not surprising that we're still talking about you. She's still processing, I think, putting together what she saw and the parts she didn't see. She worried for years that there was something undiagnosed going on with you, and she was right - it was CHF due to the myocarditis you had with mono, that the doctors didn't believe you'd had until they got you on the cath table in Indy and found the evidence. (I KNEW I was right.) Of course, there was nothing to be done about it no matter who had known what when. And I take great comfort in that. In all of this, I am so very thankful that I never have to wonder if there was something else that could have been done. The only thing I have to reproach myself for is not giving you meatloaf and mashed potatoes every single day of our marriage. I can live with that.
Now I'm ready for bed and struggling to breathe again. So I took 20 mg of prednisone and hope I'm better in the morning. If not, I'll be calling Barb again and it may be time for a chest x-ray. I got out the incentive spirometer - thinking, of course, about atelectasis - and I'm easily moving 2 1/2 liters. So there's no problem there. And I feel quite sentimental about sharing that incentive spirometer with you.
Think about me tonight, and please pray for a resolution to this. I'm afraid it's way too late for a quick resolution. Barb wants me off tomorrow and I'm scheduled off Thursday, so I'm doing my best to be back for Friday and Saturday. You wouldn't want to sleep with me tonight - after this much steroids I always drove you crazy because I put out so much heat. I'd be in a summer nightgown sleeping on top of the blankets and wanting the windows open. I've been in that summer nightgown all this week on Prednisone, and have even had the fan on a couple of night. So go to sleep in peace with no fans or sweaty wives anywhere in sight. Ah, the sweetness of Heaven!
Adore, adore, adore you,
PS - I also found our new 2015 wall calendar, the first we ever had that your mother didn't get for us. It's a Grumpy Cat calendar. Highly appropriate, don't you think?  Sleep good!

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