I Do the Unthinkable then Knit Half a Sock

Dear John,

 

I did the unthinkable. I called in on a Friday. I had so much trouble breathing last night, and by morning had devolved into constant coughing and wheezing. Working was clearly impossible. So I texted Danielle and Margaret, then loaded up on every applicable drug. Shortly thereafter I was drowsy and wired at the same time - the result of combining steroids with narcotics - making further sleep impossible. But I did get in a two-hour nap this afternoon.

 

Bless Danielle, she is wise beyond her years. I was so apologetic, and she said to not worry, it was not under my control. And she was so right. That was just what I needed to hear. So I haven't beaten myself up too badly today. I love my job and the people I work with. I have hopes of working tomorrow. But asthma is always its worst at night when your body's catecholamine level drops. So we'll see in the morning. I'm already maxed out on meds - now I just have to give it time for the lung inflammation to decrease.

 

The good news is that today produced half a sock. I'm finishing the heel flap. And I actually put on real clothes today instead of your lounging pajamas. Still no make-up, but clothes. That has to count as progress.

 

Sleeping tonight may be a challenge. I've been taking my second prednisone around 6:00 in the evening so that it doesn't keep me awake all night. Tonight I took it at bedtime, hoping it will get me through the night better. It's no worse to be up all night because of prednisone than to be up because of coughing and wheezing. We'll see how it works. I was coughing so bad this morning, and the Phenergan-&-codeine cough syrup wasn't touching it, that I resorted to hydrocodone, which took care of it nicely. (That's what comes of being a nurse. We know all kinds of ways to self-medicate with off-label uses of things. And we don't hesitate to do it. Real badass stuff, huh?) 

 

I will try to sleep soon. Wish me luck. All prayers appreciated. I hope I can work tomorrow, but won't set myself back doing it. Being healthy next week is more important. See, I'm learning how to take care of myself without you being here to keep me in line. And it's even more important now since I'm living alone and supporting myself. I will be sensible. And if I can't work tomorrow, there are plenty more socks to knit.

 

Love you, miss you,

Joan.