Tuesday, November 4, 2014

WFFs Take a Field Trip

Dear John,
It's field trip time! The Widow Friends Forever have been on a field trip. None of us left home, but we're together anyway. We're dreaming about all of you. And our recent dreams have been remarkably similar.
We keep dreaming that you're back somehow, but still dead. Our reactions to that can make us feel bad. We may tell you to go back to Heaven or be angry with you for leaving. And in the dreams we're worrying over the practical ramifications of this. In my dreams, the IRS limits how much money a dead person can earn, so you have to be careful about getting a job. Some people are having to buy clothes and things again, since those were given away. Social Security, Homeland Security, the IRS, and goodness-knows-who-else is involved. Kyle and Becky are dating to see if they want to marry again. (Silly question!) Sometimes you're back to stay and sometimes for a specific length of time. If you have to leave again, the overwhelming issue is whether we can leave with you or have to stay here and grieve all over again.
These dreams must be a normal part of processing the finality of bereavement. It is good that we're on this field trip together so that we can know that these strange dreams are normal. Once again, Becky is our barometer - if she has these dreams after over 20 years, we know this is normal! It is so good to have friends and companions on this journey. I can't imagine doing this without my WFFs.
I remember right after I passed the one-year mark. I had a dream about you and told a friend. She was extremely concerned, told me that if I was dreaming about you after a whole year, I had a serious psychiatric disorder and was in urgent need of counseling. I, of course paid no attention to that, knowing that your mother was still dreaming about your father. It's perfectly normal. Even Pooh and Piglet know that. And I know that, too, but nothing replaces going on a field trip with friends.
So, tonight I'm thankful for my widow-friends, and to all of you for getting us together. Hug all the guys for me and tell them how much we appreciate it. And tell them that I pray for all of us and all of them every day. Thank you for coming to us in our dreams. Even though we may worry over them sometimes, they are good. We enjoy every second we can spend with you. Get everybody together and come tonight - plan something fun for us and come for a visit!
Leaving the light on,

1 comment:

  1. This is so true! Love our WFF's. Makes the new normal seem normal. Thank you Joan. Oh and that "friend" that says you have serious issues, has no clue!