Thursday, December 25, 2014

Taking a Deep Breath

Dear John,
 
Merry Christmas! Christ is born! Glorify Him!
 
The animals graciously let me sleep in until almost 8:00. I had breakfast, baked cookies, wrapped presents, and got to Bob's for the family Christmas at 2:00. It was a good and happy day. I'm so thankful for my little family. I got home a little after 6:00.
 
I seem to be back in the old pattern of having an emotional crash when it gets dark. I watched the sun go down and felt my heart breaking. This is the hardest night I've had in many months. It's Christmas and you're not here, so that isn't surprising - the day has so many memories. I'm being haunted by all those Christmas mornings that we got up, fixed breakfast together, opened presents, and spent the day with each other. They are good memories, which would usually make me feel better. But today they underline the fact that those days are gone and won't come back.
 
So tonight I'll have a good cry. Then I'll take that deep breath and let the pain pass. Tomorrow I'll have a busy Friday at work with no time for thoughts or emotions, and that will be good for me. Maybe tomorrow night won't be so bad. I know I'm being normal again. Grief is like fibromyalgia, characterized by a pattern of remission and exacerbation. It's disconcerting to be normal. Don't worry - I'll try not to make a habit of it.
 
Love you with all my heart,
Joan.

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