I've survived another Friday the thirteenth, this one the thirty-four month mark after your death. I was too busy today to think about it very much. I ended up working the drive-up alone. We all ran full-speed all day. We had a carry-in lunch to celebrate Kristen's first full week with us, and my berry crumble was a hit. I got home at 6:15 and came down the hall at 8:00. I'm tired enough to sleep well tonight.
So how am I doing at the thirty-four month mark? Generally, I'm doing better. None of this is linear so there are occasional bad days. And I can't say that there are any really good ones. But I'm getting a handle on things. My job has helped the most. It's given me financial stability, which is wonderful. But it's also given me new friends, social contact, self-confidence, and a purpose of sorts. I seem to be regaining some sense of identity, too, probably because I see myself reflected back in the people I see every day. And it occurs to me for the first time that this job has given me something to look forward to: I look forward to going to work because I enjoy it, and I look forward to my days off so I can do other things.
I would still give this life up in a heartbeat. What I really want is to be with you. But I'm learning to be content while I wait. I still have nights that I cry - I probably always will. But there are good things in my life and people that I love. And I have four animals that love and need me. I'm alright. I'm making it. And it really is getting easier.
So don't worry about me. Keep visiting me in my dreams, keep praying for me. And, for goodness sake, keep working on getting set up for Skype!
Love you, adore you, worship the ground you walk on,