Monday, June 22, 2015

Making the Best of a Bad Situation

Dear John,
I figured out why I've been hurting and missing you more than usual. I've been re-working my Widowhood board on Pinterest, dividing it into several other boards. That involves reading each pin. Not surprisingly, that has had an emotional effect on me.  
I've needed to do this for a long time. The board had so much on it that I couldn't find anything. Now I have boards about the present reality, looking back, looking ahead, looking within, looking up, the arts, humor, what grief is and isn't, walking together, the moment of death, and those dreadful holidays. It's quite a mixture, isn't it? That isn't surprising since widowhood affects every part of your life. It changes everything. So my widowhood boards are going to be all over the place.
It's good for me to do this. As I read through them, I can see how far I've come in three years. The first ones I pinned were about raw pain and shock. Then I collected statements about grief. When our little widowgroup came together, I saved things for us. The pins gradually became more hopeful, more often about the future. There was even humor, too -  it's dark humor, but that always was our favorite kind.
So get on Pinterest tonight and check it out. I'm not finished yet - it will probably take the rest of the week to get through all of it. But you can see the basic structure. And you can actually find things now. My emotions will be a bit ragged until it's done, but that's okay. It's good for me to look back and take stock of where I've been and where I am today. I conclude that I love and miss you no less, but am adapting and learning how to live this way. I still don't particularly want to. But since you forgot to take me with you, I appear to be stuck here and might as well make the best of it. (Wonderful. Now I'm humming Ray Stevens singing "Making the Best of a Bad Situation." Very unfortunate.)
It's time to get the crew off to bed. We're expecting storms tonight. I do hope not - I'd prefer to sleep without a dog in my head. But we'll all get through whatever comes!
Sleep well tonight. Love you immensely,

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